good vibrations

It’s so easy to get down around the holidays even when things are going well  -or even, going. Some days it takes all that I have to stay up and motivated, like today, of instance.

It’s been raining for three days straight. Those of you who live in Seattle well, I understand but at least you have prettier scenery. We got a fat envelope in the mail the other day from disability. Fat envelopes from that place do not mean a yes. Only thin envelopes with a check in them mean that. We waited two days and I finally opened it. We have to file an appeal.

I mailed off about twenty cover letters and resume’s today. It took me two days to even get close to the post office without standing in line for an hour. Every time I talk to someone and they ask how the job search is going I feel like I have to run down every job I’ve applied for, every person I’ve spoken to or written to and the next thing out of their mouth is “Well, the economy sucks! Good luck!”

Thanks. That makes me feel so much better.

Joey’s laptop took a dive the other day and it costs too much to get it fixed. A neighbor who is good with computers is going to take it apart and install a new hard drive on it. If you’ve been over to her post you will know that we did get some good news. She got her first injection of Remicade last Friday.  Whoo-hoo!

We just need some good news in 2010. I need work, enough work to keep us afloat without sponging assistance from my sister. I am so tired of rejection but yet it doesn’t even phase me anymore. So, I’m going to throw some wishes out there early just so they can sit in the atmosphere for a little while. Maybe some of you can be thinking on them for me or sending me vibes, energy, thoughts, prayers (if you’re religious) anything will help. Here goes:

• For the new medicine I want you to send out “Work, baby, work!” so Joey will start feeling better.
• Those twenty cover letters and resume’s I sent out – well, they’re to all the companies [minus the one that laid me off] that put in a proposal for a brand new government contract– the same government contract I worked on for my old company prior to getting laid off.  Wouldn’t it be nice if one of these other companies got awarded that contract and saw a need to hire me since I have experience? Very nice, yes, very nice.
• Or – all those calls, contacts, resume’s, letters I’ve made to the power companies pay off.
• My landscaping and insurance work pick up and I would make a few sales on Rocket Popp. Every little bit helps.
• Disability finally is approved.

And, while we’re at it something nice for my friends. So what do you want? What I can I send out to the universe for you?

crazy day

Today was a hectic day. Joey and I got up around 8:30ish took coffee into the office and checked email and blogged (well, she did  -pop on over there and check it out). I found a job opening for this company that I interviewed with previously. Remember when I met with the VP of this company? I still had his assistant’s number written on my range cards from this weekend so I called her up. She said the position wasn’t in their department but to forward the info to her and she’d see to it that VP gives me a recommendation.

I felt good about that!

Then, I had to get to my landscape client’s house to get all my work done so I could get Joey to her doctor’s appointment on time. I flew over there and raked like a bat out of hell (the leaves, pine cones, acorns, and sweet gum balls are just killing me over there.) out of both the front and back yards. Only after greeting the beagles, of course. They were wound up today. After petting them and going to work they kept doing laps around the yard playing. It was so fun to watch them! Piles of leaves at the street later I hopped in the truck and came home only to find Joey baking cookies. We were getting ready to leave as we pulled the last batch that had been in the oven out to cool before setting on a plate and taking off for the appointment.

Once I dropped her off I took off to go pick up the boy. His dad was supposed to have him this weekend but I got him into a free motorcycle class so we said we’d take him. At dad’s office I gave him further directions to the class and encouraged him to get there early (why I’d gotten there early to pick the boy up – “Yes, leave now!”) Once in the car the boy showed me his jar of peppermints that he won at school.

“Want one?”

“Yes, a green one.”

He took a red one after giving me a green. After awhile he said, “Where’s Mom?”

“At the doctors office where we’re going now although she may not be finished yet so we may go do some stuff and come back.”

“What stuff? What is there to do?”

“Oh, I dunno, we could go to Wal-mart, go get coffee….”

“Oh, seven million things!(And, I thought I was dramatic!) Ok, I don’t need to hear all of them.” he said as I kept rattling off things to do.

At this point I was at – “-go to the movies – oh, wait – not enough time for that.” Pulling up to the doctor’s office. I set him up with his Nintendo DS and went to see how Joey was coming along and I found a closed door with her doctor inside talking to her. I decided to leave them alone and went back out to the lobby.

Walking in the door at home Joey went to lay down and sleep awhile and I finished baking the cookies and making a pizza for the boy and I for dinner. Shelia was having a get together tonight in memory of Rebecca. All her family is in town from out of state and it was a pitch in. I told Joey I’d wake her up at 7 and we’d go.

We arrive at Shelia’s (actually her ex husband’s house who passed away last October – long story but Shelia wanted to host it there) and there are cars parked all up and down the street. We knew we were at the right place. We walked in and there were all these people we didn’t know and no Shelia – she hadn’t arrived. We set down the cookies we brought. I had a bottle of New Belgium black ale in my hand and went looking for a bottle opener. I found it –

-laying on the counter right next to an ex girlfriend.

I literally have not laid eyes on her since we broke up. Even when we were trying to be “friends” it was only through email and me dog-sitting for her. I had a choice to make. I could turn around and go look for an opener somewhere else or I could suck it up and open the beer and say hi, which, I did. When I did she said, “How do you know Shelia?” in an accusatory tone. I just looked at her until she said, “Oh….through me. Right.” I wanted to say, “Yes, there are friendships that I kept after you.” But I didn’t. I made small talk and then said, “Oh, hey – I need to go find the wife and kid and get them settled. Nice talking to you.” and took off noticing out of the corner of my eye her jaw drop at the mention of “kid”.

I found Joey and she said she had to go get something to drink. I showed her where the soft drinks were – right next to ex. Later, I said, “ex-lastname is here”

“Where?’

“You were practically touching backs as you made your drink. Up there looking intellectual in the black sweater.”

I finally got tired of being in proximity of ex and being in the way of people walking through so I went into the dining room where the food was. Just then Laura and Ellen came in and I was like “Oh my Goddess! I am so glad you’re here!” This was before Shelia had arrived and we didn’t know who any of these people were – except my ex, of course.

“Which one IS she?” –Laura

(Crazy rat-woman I wanted to say but that would have taken too long to explain)

I gave her the short version [two gf's b4 Joey] and pointed to kitchen.

She got up to go into the kitchen to get a drink and came back and said, “I don’t see it. Not your type at all. Weird looking! Kinda looks mean.”

I laughed and agreed.

Then, Joey came back in with the boy and they got some food. She hugged Ellen and Laura before walking out to find Shelia. She had arrived hugging everyone and we were introduced to her brothers, sister, sister-in-law, neighbors, etc. It was nice seeing her family and hanging out. There were pictures of Rebecca, Shelia and her ex husband all around the house. I told Shelia the story of running into ex and we had such a laugh over it. I was thankful that she has such a large family who seemed close to her. She needs that during this time. Tomorrow her sister’s girlfriend is driving up and Shelia’s ex is coming in. I’m pretty amazed by that.

So, it’s all good and I’m glad this day is over.

cuts

I rolled in at 1:00 a.m. from volunteering at a pledge drive for PBS TV (pic above – I’m the butch one on the left) The house was dark and I suspected Joey had gone to bed hours ago. I grabbed a knife to open up a package that came in the previous day to check on the contents before wrapping it and putting it under the tree. As I cut the last little bit of tape the knife slipped and cut the top of my index finger. It’s was one of those deep cuts that don’t start bleeding right away but when they do bleed like a mutha-f*cker they’re almost impossible to stop. (It probably could have stood a few stitches but I wasn’t about to go sit in the emergency room until daylight.) I couldn’t bear to run water over it so I wrapped a paper towel around it and went into the bathroom to find the peroxide. I was grunting and suppressing groans as I hauled out the solution and band aides. The groan slipped when I poured it over my cut. Out of the corner of my eye I saw myself grimace in the mirror as I pulled the flap of skin back to allow the peroxide to penetrate the cut deeper. This reminded me of a time in Vegas when I had cut my thumb just was badly. 

Some of you may remember when I went out with B. We were in Vegas and had gone to a show.  I had been drinking all day in the casinos so by the time we sat down for the show I was half in the bag. I had to pee sooooo bad, too. I was biding my time for intermission and the minute the lights came on I hauled ass to the restroom before there would be a line. As I got into the stall, dropped trowel and went to do my hover I lost my balance. I flung my hand out to catch myself from falling and caught my thumb on this piece of metal attached to the stall. (I think it was a metal shelf meant to hold purses.) At this point I almost pissed down my leg. I managed to straighten myself and pee in the right direction. I honestly had to go so bad that it came second to looking at my damaged thumb.  I went to fasten my pants and there was blood everywhere. I had cut almost the entire top portion of  the knuckle on my thumb off leaving a flap of skin.  I pulled toilet paper off the roll and wrapped it around my thumb but it bled through quicker than I could wrap it becoming a soggy mess. I then thought I could use some paper towels to try to stop the bleeding but I discovered there were only air dryers in the restroom. By this time I could hear the bells indicating that intermission was almost over, I was starting to drip blood on the floor. I peaked out the door at two ushers standing guard and went “PSSSST!” they both looked at me and I motioned one of them over. All I had to do was show them my hand and they both did a double take. One ran off to get a first aid kit and the other spoke into her radio to have some paper towels brought down. I had a sudden fear that I was going to be hauled away in an ambulance without B ever knowing where I went. Within minutes both towels and the kit arrived and between the two of them they got me cleaned up and my thumb wrapped entirely with gauze. 

By the time I eased into my seat the show was almost over and B was like HOLY HELL WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? She thought I had passed out somewhere.  (She must not have been too concerned as she was still in her seat and hadn’t come looking for me) I showed her my enormous bandaged thumb complete with blood starting to seep through and that seemed to explain everything. On the way back to the hotel we stopped at a Wal-greens to buy peroxide. 

To me, peroxide is like American Express – don’t leave home without it – or else.

time out

Warning: Read at your own risk. I suggest a strong drink in hand if you do. 

I have to write about this tonight and take a break from the ‘best of ‘09′ thing. Our friend, Shelia (aka one of the Home girlz) lost her daughter today. Her name was Rebecca – who we affectionately called ‘Becca. The only reason we are not over at Shelia’s right now is because she’s been at the hospital for days on end and has gotten no sleep and wanted to try to rest before her sister flew in. It’s a shock to all of us. Joey is pretty torn up because she was helping Shelia take care of her during the week while she worked. Joey grew very fond of her in the weeks that she spent with her. I ache for Shelia and I hold Joey while she cries. 

Joey spent the day crying off and on. She needed a distraction so we took the boy to get new shoes. He had worn out his previous tennis shoes and they were starting to be too small for him. We got him a pair of boots and another pair of tennis shoes. He wore the boots out of the store and only took them off to take a shower before bed. He said he felt taller in them. He did appear to be taller. I had a business meeting with my VP and Ellen at the house and afterwards Joey made macaroni and cheese, squash casserole, black-eyed pea’s and green peas for dinner. Comfort food. She is curled up in a fleece blanket on the bed right now sleeping. Finally at peace. 

Honestly, I am not sure I can keep up the ’best of ‘09′ series. It’s all the best this the best that rah, rah, rah. When all I feel is blah, blah, blah. 2009 really sucked. There were more letdowns than leaps. More defeats than victories. There are battle wounds and loss. 

I know what you’re going to say. “Oh, focus on the positive. You cannot change for the better until you’ve gone out on the edge and experienced loss to achieve. It will get better. Hey! The economy is coming BACK!” God.f*cking.D*amn. I’ve heard it all. Save the speech. I honestly don’t want to hear it right now or ever again. I’d almost rather shoot myself hear “send me your resume’“ because then it would get a laugh. Honestly, I think I would start cracking up if I heard that one.more.time. Just bear with me. I need to get it all out then if you want to recite the things above  or not even read at all then be.my.guest.

But, here are the top 2009 worst things from Trinity: 

1. We lost a dear friend – as I said above. And, ALL the things I do not want to happen is to loose someone. 

2. We still do not have Joey on Remicade. The doctor’s office is ridiculous. To see someone you love in pain when they could have medicine is an agonizing thing. 

3. I lost my job after a long, agonizing year working for three of the worst bosses that I ever had. Oh, I know it’s a blessing to not be working for them anymore. But, the way I was treated was deplorable.  If I saw any of those guys right now I would have to almost bite my tongue in-TWO to keep from spitting on them.

4. The fact that I have to go through rejection every day for job hunting and my side businesses wears me down. Honestly, I do have to stay upbeat and positive for all my businesses and job hunting but I am human and I do get worn down. [I know it's actually a shock to you -especially reading this - that I can be positive and upbeat, but it's true] I really didn’t realize how many negative people there were out there that just want to drag.you.down. and tell you that you are a piece of shit until I started job hunting and doing sales. 

5. Friends that I thought were, well, friends, arn’t. You find out who your real friends are when you’re going through hard times and it’s a hard lesson to learn. A reality check. They are some of the ones from #4, too. 

6. I cannot bear to hear someone bitch about their job anymore without wanting to throttle them say “at least you have a m*ther-f*cking job”. 

7. We cannot take a vacation because we cannot afford it. 

Ok, I could only think of seven things. Hey! At least it’s better than ten! Always thinking of the positive. Gosh, it’s almost a knee-jerk reaction. I don’t know about you but sometimes just hearing responses like that makes me tired. Why can’t someone say ”I know it sucks, honey, I’m so sorry. Here give me a hug.” That’s so much better than getting belted with something BRIGHT and POSITIVE. It makes you feel even worse that you’re allowing yourself to feel crappy. To feel defeated. You think ”Well, I’m such a bad, negative person to be having these feelings, to be thinking negative thoughts. Bad me. I guess I deserve all this then.” When really why is it bad to be having feelings? Good or bad? They are feelings that need to be expressed. I am tired of apologizing for my feelings. I am tired of feeling guilty for allowing myself to feel sad, depressed, angry, frustrated and……defeated.  

Yeah, 2009, you whipped my @ss and now I’m ready for you to be over. There’s only one cure for the blues and that’s watching Blueland.  At least they’re not being defeated too bad this year and the boy is starting to feel some hockey love. There is hope afterall.

Dec. 6th – workshop or conference

I did not attend a workshop or conference this past year, however, I took a writing class at Emory. The class instructor has written and published a few books of his own. I am very curious to read them. His class was great although I regret to say I wasn’t able to attend every one of them. I managed to catch him at a book signing at a festival in Decatur. He told me I was welcome to sit in on the classes of his that I missed any time he was giving them. I should, too.

One of the things I told myself I was going to do is edit my previous book and write another. I am also working my way through “The no experience necessary writers course”.  This was a required text for the class. I think I need to set a schedule for times that I write or do the exercises out of the book.

Next up: December 7 Blog find of the year. That gem of a blog you can’t believe you didn’t know about until this year.

starting best of the blog challenge

I’m going to try to hang in on the challenge above starting with today Dec. 5th: Night out: Did you have a night out with friends or a loved one that rocked your world? Who was there? What was the highlight of the night?

I think this night would have to be up there with seeing the Indigo Girls in the pouring rain at Chastain Park with the Home Girlz. What could have been a really miserable evening turned out to be fun and a little unusual considering everyone was getting drenched that night. It wasn’t just a small, delicate rain but a pounding downpour allowing even the most prepared with raincoats and umbrella’s finding some part of their bodies drenched. The highlight was managing to have a great picnic in the pouring rain, hanging out with everyone, laughing and enjoying the show. I think that was the last time that all of us were out together at the same time.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s theme:December 6: Workshop or conference. Was there a conference or workshop you attended that was especially beneficial? Where was it? What did you learn?

friday chex mix

This week has actually been very productive. Wednesday evening Joey and I met our friend MJ out who introduced us to several of her friends. They all seemed really nice and I am hoping to hang out with some of them in the future. Most of them will be at her book signing on December 10^th, which I have on my calendar.

Yesterday I set appointments with clients for following week and went by to see a landscaping prospect. I ran errands and did some Christmas shopping. Joey and I went to see the boy sing in his Christmas Corus at his school. He was right in the middle of the rows of kids both fourth and fifth graders and we could clearly see him – and he never smiled. It almost looked as if he was in pain up there. But, some of the other kids didn’t smile either. Some were listing back and forth, some had their hands in their pockets, one kept looking at her fingernails and the boy’s best friend kept making weird faces. It was all pretty entertaining. Tonight he sings at the Gladiators game and of course, Joey and I have tickets for that.

Yesterday, I got a Christmas card in the mail from my sister that had several Amazon gift certificates attached to the inside of it. She told me to use them to do all my Christmas shopping. It was very sweet.

Well, off to landscape as it is Friday! Have a great weekend!

go brown

I’ve already started making progress. (If I tell myself this enough times I will start believing it). This morning I hauled myself out of bed at 8:30, threw a sandal down the hall at my howling cats (which, I intentionally miss) put on my flannel pj pants, before heading down to the kitchen to feed them and put on the coffee. Coffee in hand I went in to my office to make a few phone calls. I sent an email to a former co-worker to see if former boss (two jobs ago) could put in a good word for me with the director of another department I interviewed with. She wrote back that she was on it. Not sure if this will actually get done but it’s worth a try. I also sent off an email to my friend at Un*ted P*rcel S*rvice asking if she had any information for me. She was one of those “I will find out who the hiring manager is” when I said I applied for a job there. I know that they are hiring seasonal help right now and that time is of the essence. Later I got a reply that she couldn’t find out the name and suggested that I just go to the distribution center I applied to work at and ask. Ok, I could have come up with that myself. I made an appointment to have my iTouch looked at and hopped in the shower with Joey. She was heading out to have lunch with a friend. 

Later, after my appointment I walked by the guest services desk and noticed that there were people with UPS badges on. I stopped and asked their advice on what I should do after applying online for seasonal work. They told me to go immediately to their job placement office in Duluth (for you, Maria) and talk to them. I left and went right there. There was a woman at the front desk who asked for my name and was able to pull up my information in the system but I needed to finish the application process there on their computers. This is something that is required after submitting an online application. She took me into this room and I filled out the rest of the information. When I finished she made an appointment for and interview/orientation for next week. It was as simple as that.  So, I could be wearing brown next week.

On the way home I dropped off cards at a couple of places that I’m trying to get landscaping gigs with. At home I made myself go right in and put on my running tights and was headed out the door when Joey pulled up from shopping. I suspected that she was Christmas shopping and was right when she asked me to turn around while she toted bags out of the car. I ran through the neighborhood and tried not to walk much. I could feel my head clearing and my shoulders relaxing.

tree tree

Yesterday, me, Joey and the boy picked out a tree. We had it tied to the roof of the forerunner and drove home where I hauled it off the roof and into the living room. I held it upright while Joey and the boy twisted the screws tight to hold it up in the tree stand. Joey went to fill it with water and the cats immediately went to drink out of it. We let it relax overnight.

Tonight, we had Laura, Ellen and her aunt over to help us trim the tree. What does “trimming” mean anyway? It’s not like we had pruners out cutting the branches or anything….we just hung lights and decorated it. Joey and the boy hung ornaments that were special to them. I hung my ornaments. Every year when the Christmas tree goes up I take a walk down memory lane. I hang all the birdhouse ornaments I have acquired over the years. However, I remember getting several of them during a time I went home for Christmas and bought them at the same flower shop my family always went to for flowers – be it anniversaries, birthdays, occasions even funerals – I will always remember it as the later. I look at the ornament “Mind the Gap” and remember my sister and I being in London for my 40^th birthday. I always loved that about the London underground (they call it “underground” in London and “the metro” in Paris) how they always announced in their British accent “mind the gap” when stepping on and off the train. I realize that I am in love with the train system in London and Paris and hope one day that I can take Joey there so she can experience it as I have. I also look at the fly-fishing ornaments that I hang on the tree. One of a fish that says, “Fish stories told here” and a fly-fishing basket. This is from one of the ex’s that taught me to fly fish but never claimed the ornaments in the divorce. I kept them along with my fly fishing equipment and am happy about it. (she got plenty so I’m not too upset over it.) There are several Coca Cola ornaments that I did not hang this year just because I want to preserve them in a way. I notice they don’t make as many as they used to. I pulled the boxes that had pictures of steins on them my parents bought back in the 60’s before I was born. (Which, we drank out of but never beer but iced tea.) In them it contains ornaments my mother made by hand. They are Styrofoam balls with push pens with shiny beads and sequins and ribbons. I remember when she made them every year. I hang a few but never all of them. They are so precious to me that I never want them to wear out. It makes me miss her when I hang them but I hang them in her honor and memory. I pull out the picture of our family dog that has long since passed and hang beside an ornament of my mothers. They can keep each other company. Next is a miniature Ducati motorcycle yet another ex got me – special ordered, in fact, the exact replica of my actual motorcycle. I hang that beside many other motorcycle ornaments – glass, porcelain, plastic. Then there is the corn husk angel on the very top – because I am from Indiana and grew up on a farm raising corn. This contrasts to the chilli pepper lights surrounding the tree.

Company long gone, Joey reading to the boy, I sit at the dining room table sipping scotch, smelling the spiced candles I have burning, listening to Eliane Elias sing “Movin’ me on” and stare at the lights.

weekend in a nutshell

Friday:

I have to go over and work my landscaping gig today. I am not moving too quickly as I’m still achy from having a H1N1 flu shot the other day. The alarm on my phone just went off reminding me that I need to get over there and start. The beagles are waiting…… 

The day before was spent holed up in my office trying to work on all my state licensing requirements. (I am trying to get licensed to refinance mortgages and do auto and homeowners insurance) If I work on this over the holidays then by 2010 I will have everything in place so I can really rock and roll. It has been a bit frustrating this past week. I spoke to tons of people but it’s just a hard time of year. People are either busy with the upcoming holidays or they just want to collect unemployment and not have to work for making a commission only paycheck. [I get it, I’m collecting unemployment myself but that doesn’t stop me from trying to find work or make money]. In fact, if I advertised free root canals it would have been easier to get people to the interview/open house. (That’s an idea….) The two people who came to the open house that night left before it was over. One didn’t even stay long enough to even hear the presentation (this person is unemployed and supposedly desperate for a job). She told me it wasn’t for her. Perhaps if she would have stayed long enough she would have been a better judge of that but I wasn’t convinced. The other guy who left later explained that he had a felony (we cannot hire people who have a felony on their record for the last 7 years). Great, I thought. Do I want people on my team who a. cannot stay long enough to find out what it’s about or b. has a record? No, not really. But, part of that was my fault for not doing a better job of prescreening. So, I’m going to be a little more selective in the future. It’s going to be like this – if you’re interested then come to an interview/open house. If you cannot take an hour out of your day to find out if it’s a good fit then it probably isn’t a good fit. In the meantime, I’m going to have all my licensing in place so I can do all the work myself until I can get more of a team set up.

That night I went out to grab a bite to eat at one of my favorite places. They always have Sweetwater specials and great burritos. As I walked around the side of the building fronting the square of Decatur I saw a sign in the door that said “Office space for rent $400/month”. I went inside. I thought “if I could do the training and open houses here in Decatur then it won’t be so hard getting all the “townies” out to Duluth. That is the toughest part of recruiting inside the perimeter. Despite the corporate office being just outside I-285 if you mention Duluth to a townie they shudder and say “You mean outside- the-perimeter? I don’t know if I can go that far.” You would have thought I was asking that they travel to Chattanooga. But, I get it because I consider myself a townie, too and I loathe going outside the perimeter myself and I dream of having a home office in Decatur on the square between two pubs, in fact. 

After opening the door and stepping in I saw a staircase and decided to head downstairs. I heard a man’s voice say, “Hello?” I said back that I was curious about the office space. The first one he took me to was perfect. It had a small office with a conference room attached that I could do the workshops and presentations. He said that office may or may not be available and it was $580 [Ok, not sure what the "may or may not" was about]. He took me to two more and neither one worked. One was very nice, with a small meeting room with a window at the end looking down on the square and an office attached. Unfortunately, the large arced window that used to exist in the office was bricked over giving it a bit of a claustrophobic feel. I thanked him and left not knowing how I could afford to rent an office unless I got all my licensing in place and made a few commissions – food for thought and on to the beer and burrito. After eating I walked back to my car and ran into the man again talking to the owner of the building. Again, they tried to sell me on the offices but I just said I had their number and would be in touch if I could do such a thing. 

Saturday:

I got a Christmas card already from Mags, which, was a nice surprise to my day. Joey and I went for coffee/tea and drove up to this huge thrift store in Marietta. We shopped for a few hours and then I went to meet our friend, Ellen. I got Ellen to join my team and went to her house to do some paperwork and training. I say this lightly because our training consisted of us having a few beers and me showing her procedures of what she will be doing. I am starting to work on motivating her but I am not pushing too hard doing it with more subtlety since she’s responding well so far. 

Sunday:

I had terrible dreams the night before about both of the bosses from my last job who were instrumental in being huge jackasses laying me off. It was actually two separate dreams, too. I woke up hating them both [again] and feeling like I was never going to find full time work. So, I’ve been in a real funk. Even though I have had small victories the past few months – landing a landscaping gig – [which, I hope they will renew again next month], talking to another potential landscaping gig [which, would be good to land], and doing the part time thing with this other job. It still doesn’t pay the bills all add up to full time work. I had decided put my unemployment insurance into effect to get me through the holiday’s. I basically wouldn’t have had any money coming in during this time if I hadn’t done this. I got a call from one of the guys I used to work with and he wanted to get together for lunch sometime. He said he had heard that I was working and sounded jubilant about it as if I had landed this new fantastic job and that we needed to celebrate. I corrected him saying that I was basically working on getting my licenses to sell insurance and refinance mortgages but basically hadn’t made any money doing that yet. He went on and on complaining about how hard it was out there and there being no work in engineering, construction, etc. This was the same stuff I heard on a daily basis before I got laid off  -by the ones who still have a job. So why would I want to subject myself to that again? I said I’d look at my calendar and get back to him about lunch. I think my calendar will be booked for awhile. Tonight a friend of mine is having a book signing at the local pub [which, is what her book is about]. Ellen and I are going to go down there and have a beer before going out to the training meeting in DULUTH [ohmygod I’d better pack a bag it’s sooooo far…..]. I ordered Rock Band for the boy today for Christmas and am looking forward to that! Now I’m going to hop in the shower and grab something to eat before heading out to my late afternoon/evening. Hope the rest of your weekend goes well!