a new realm

I’m thankful to have a breakthrough, finally, with something I can devote my time to training, talking to people, trying to make sales. I am also ready to make some real money doing this. I know I’ve only been at this a week and it will take some time. [I also know that I am a very impatient person.

Last week I met my mentor at a training meeting. During the meeting they said there was going to be a major announcement at 9 p.m. that night and that we should all stick around and hear it. Mentor and I went to get coffee and drove over to the corporate office park to drop off some documents. I was impressed by the size of the complex. The company even has their own TV station. Once back at the training facility we went into the conference room where about 100 of us squeezed in to listen to the announcement. The person giving the announcement is the man who set up the Atlanta corporate headquarters who was driving in from Marietta that night. Mentor and I got seated at the end of the front row where the rest of the row contained all the RVP’s (Regional Vice Presidents) who all had the big rings on……the rings that meant they made 100k and above. Mentor introduced me to the couple on her left. I asked how long they had been in the business and they answered 2-1/2 years. Again, I was blown away.  The announcement was that the company had split from another major company and was going public. This was good news as it means future stock options and higher commissions.

I came rolling in at 11:30 that night but was wide-awake.  Joey’s had an exceptionally tough week and we stayed up talking until 2 a.m.  As I gave the time she said, “Yeah, right” thinking I had never changed the clock after daylight savings time. I said, “Uh, yeah real time here.” Fridays I work at my landscape client’s house. I’ve managed to finish in three hours this week [as opposed to the four of last week] I think it’s going to take me a month to get even more efficient at this. I enjoy doing it and it’s extremely sweet to me as this is a client I got all on my own. I want more of those clients for both businesses.  I want to be financially independent again. And, when I am? I am going to thank those bosses assholes I used to work for – for laying me off and giving me no choice but to go out and look for more fulfilling work. Work that I am good at and whom I have no one to answer to but myself. Work that I’m able to choose the people I work with who are nice because, if that hadn’t happened then I’d still be working just as hard for them making the same money. [And, when I do I’m going be sure they see my 100k ring and me driving off in my 7 series BMW.]

On another note. I want to tell you about my mentor. She was a student in one of my motorcycle classes. She’s somewhere in her 50’s, had a heart attack and has had three open heart surgeries. [And, this gal wants to ride a motorcycle you say? Hell.Yeah.] We were doing introductions in the class and she when it was her turn to talk and that came up my red alert radar went up. I thought, “Uh.Oh. I have another mid-life crisis on my hands”.

I’ve had several people come across my range [either going through the fence, crashing several times or not even being able to ride at all] because of mid-life crisis’s. I had one man who had recently purchased a Honda Goldwing [If you don’t know what this is it is the LARGEST stock motorcycle that Honda makes. This thing is a barcalounger on wheels.] and had it delivered to his house and had been starting it and letting it run everyday for two months while sitting in his garage. By the end of the first day he did not exhibit he could ride and every time he had his hands on the grips they shook making the bike list from side to side. My co-instructor and I pulled him aside after that first day and suggested he have another first day before he continued. We later found out that he had suffered a stroke 6 months prior.

Sidebar: This is one of the things I hate about being a motorcycle instructor. On the waiver and entrance interview it CLEARLY asks if there are any PHYSICAL aliments that we should be aware of including strokes, heart problems or paralysis of any form. They actually SIGN their names that they DO NOT prior to getting into the class.

[Yeah, well obviously some people LIE about this.] My problem is that if a person were to lie on their application and oh, say, dropped dead on my range or caused themselves harm because of an aliment I didn’t’ know about? Guess who gets sued? You got it! And, really is getting sued for working a $400 per class job really worth it? No. More on that later but it’s because of that I carry an umbrella policy and want prepaid legal [if I decide to continue teaching motorcycle classes.]

So, you can imagine my concern when future mentor was telling me about her open heart surgeries. But, she seemed full of energy and said she owned and rode pretty good sized Harley and had rode to Datona Beach this past year for bike week. Despite that I still pulled out a Honda Rebel [SMALLEST motorcycle that Honda makes] and put her on that. To my relief she was quite coachable and did well. After the class she gave me her card and said that she was looking for a business partner and to come out to an open house. I thought, “What the hell. No one else is giving me a shot these days” But also it was because she inspired me and I don’t get too many of those in my classes.

When I do I pay attention and listen.

I think I’m moving into another era of teaching. I can teach and run training classes with this new direction in my career. I think I’m going to love teaching something else for a change. Oh, there will always be those who will say stupid things that will tweak my shit even in this business. But, it will definitely be better than feeling like I’m constantly putting my neck on the line for a $400 per [20 hour] class.

this n that

I know I haven’t written with any consistency lately. So many things have been going on and it’s hard to compile them into one single post – or even explain. I will start out with some good things and then move on to the challenging things. 

The new landscaping gig is good. It was nice starting the job last week and doing a major cleanup. I worked for four hours along side two quality control beagle inspectors.

(Quality Control Beagle – “I’m making sure my master gets his money’s worth now work! And, can I have a little more of that coffee you brought? I was only able to lick out half the contents….”)

After four hours my back was sore, I ran out of gas in my blower and had huge piles of leaves, acorns and debris down by the street – it was very satisfying! I called my client this week to get some feedback and to provide feedback and he’s very happy with my work. If I could get three or four more clients like this one I would be set! So, I’ve poured on the cards in the neighborhood and stepped my marketing up.

Remember when I was working my mid week motorcycle class? I had a lady the class who approached me during a break and gave me her business card. During introductions we always say what our profession is, where we’re from and why we’re there. I happened to say that I was a recently laid off P.M. looking for another full time job. The lady who approached me is a vp for a financial firm and said she’d love to hire me part time. There’s quite a bit of training involved but once I’m through that and have my licensing in place it could be quite lucrative. The best thing about it is that it’s something I can do out of the house and I control my own schedule. So, right now I’m training with her and enjoying myself. I see it as what do I have to loose? I have everything to gain and plus I’m learning something new.

I went back to see my shrink last week. I got some good feedback on what I’ve been doing lately. She wants me to do more things for myself that helps me relax and read things that make me laugh more. I’ve been trying to do this – have a better outlook and the two things I mentioned above I am really stoked about. 

Now, for the challenging stuff….. 

My motorcycle classes aren’t booking. Enrollment is down and my classes are getting canceled. That is – the ones I was able to get.

Joey’s not been well lately. We’re still in between TNF blockers mainly because her doctor and office staff had been slacking in getting the necessary paperwork in to the insurance company. Yesterday was a really hard day. We did get to pride last weekend but only with the help of a wheelchair. (Which was a godsend). Anyway, I could write for days on this subject and my unhappiness with the situation but really it doesn’t help Joey. It’s her that is suffering and I am going to strive to remain as positive and helpful to her as much as possible. And, if you could keep her in your thoughts I would greatly appreciate it! 

Rocket Popp sales are nonexistent down. I have tweaked my Google Adword’s campaign and was distraught to learn that while I was getting more clicks I was being charged at an alarming rate and still my sales weren’t up. So, I paused the campaign – really, I think it’s highway robbery and am going to work on coming up more organically on Google without the exorbitant pay per click thing.

chex mix, halloween & pride

Don’t get me wrong. Just because I’m writing again does not mean that things are suddenly peachy-keen. I just decided to quit worrying about sounding like a broken record and stick with the truth and what I’m feeling.

This week has been busy since my meeting on Tuesday. I helped Joey with a disability form that needed to be filled out. She’s not been doing well health-wise since she’s in between TNF blockers right now. The cane is getting constant use and she’s to the point where it’s starting to hurt her hand. While working my mid-weeker last week a coworker offered to let her borrow his wife’s wheelchair, as she doesn’t use it that often. I mentioned this to Joey and surprisingly she was interested. Since Pride is this weekend she wanted to be able to enjoy more of it without trying to walk around with a cane and wear herself out. After faxing the 24-page form to disability we took off for Alpharetta to pick up the wheelchair. Afterwards, we decided to head for north Georgia and seek out some Bar-BQ. We did find a place near Dawsonville named “Dogs and Hogs”. (Personally, I didn’t think it was all that great.) On the way there we passed a quilt store that we went back to after lunch. Joey ended up with some quilting squares and thread that she’s going to use to make a bag.

It was nice to get out of town if just for a short while. Once home I made some calls, sent out some emails, which are a daily ritual unless I’m teaching. Granted some things have come around, people are starting to call me a little more frequently but even so I still do not have a job and until then there’s a part of me that will fret over it until I do. I got an email from the friend I recently had it out with. The email started out that she missed me, went on to say that in the love she had for me as a friend that she was trying to forgive me for going behind her back in getting work. I just sighed and thought “Whatever” She obviously still didn’t get it. All the times she mentioned missing, love and friendship seemed hollow as I read it. She doesn’t get the fact that I was simply trying to find work to support Joey and I and not compete with her business. She went on to say that her silence hasn’t been because of lack of caring but time and that she had been very busy with the new child, etc. It was all about her, her business, her time and how all that was so very important. I replied apologizing for the misunderstanding, etc. and that taking care of Joey and finding full time employment took precedence over everything else and that perhaps later I would be in a better place to pursue forgiveness and friendship. And left it at that. I have no place for that right now and cannot get bogged down by it. 

On the homegirlz front: Ellen and Laura took a motorcycle trip up to 129 Tail of the Dragon. Prior to going Laura had fallen and bruised a nerve in her leg. Neither Joey nor I wanted them to go. I cautioned them, I tried to talk sense but neither one would listen. I pictured my friends going off the mountain because Laura’s right foot couldn’t work the rear brake peddle or not controlling the heavy bike with a passenger around all those curves. Fortunately, they both made it back without mishap but Laura hasn’t been able to walk for two days. It took a toll on her health-wise and we’ve been concerned. In the meantime, Shelia’s daughter was supposed to come home from the VA hospital today and start living with her but we haven’t heard either way. Shelia’s been very stressed about it and we want to help. So, a lot has been going on with the homegirlz.

Today, I got a new landscaping client that I’m to start work for tomorrow. I am very happy and excited about this. What is especially nice is that I got this client on my own.

We’re rolling in to pride weekend and although Joey has been relaxing all day I am still hoping she will be able to go out and dance a bit with me tonight as the Thursday’s before pride is always packed at the country bar. (We’ll see in a little bit when I wake her up.) So I know you’ve already experienced this but HAPPY PRIDE from ATLANTA ! and, HALLOWEEN! Halloween marks my 22nd anniversary of coming out of the closet. If you want to read about it go here and scroll down to Halloween Part I. 

just that good?

Ok, ok……

I’m writing. You knew I just couldn’t stay away, didn’t you? Thanks to all of you that emailed and commented – that meant a lot!

So, onward –

I just came off a stint of teaching four classes in a row. Monday was my first day off in almost three weeks. To say that I was worn out, cranky and hard to live with is an understatement (just ask Joey and, I’m going to tell you about one of my classes later because I have decided to write more about them.) But, hey – at least I had work. November and December aren’t looking as prosperous in assignments. In fact, enrollment is down. I think I am going to take a trip down to the Department of Labor tomorrow and see about collecting unemployment for those months and focus on networking. Speaking of which, I have a story.  

Last week I was teaching a Tues – Thurs. class, which we call a “mid-weeker”. I was standing out on the range watching my six students ride around cones when my phone rang. Hoping it was the county wanting to schedule a second interview I picked up. The lady on the other end identified herself as the assistant of someone I had sent a letter and resume to and had left a message to see if they received it and requested a short business meeting. She was calling to tell me that they did not receive my package, could I email it to her and that she would call back with meeting times. I wrote down her email address on my range cards and said I’d email it that night. To say I was surprised to be hearing from them was an understatement as I had sent that package out September 10^th, did a follow-up call the first of October and it was October 20^th the day she called. The next day she called again to say she received the information and could I possibly meet on Tuesday and gave me three times that her boss could meet. I took the morning appointment and said I’d see her then. She followed up with an email of our appointment and then called me the night before the appointment to ensure I was coming.

The morning of I got up early to have coffee and rehearse my presentation and do research on the person I had the meeting with. For some reason – possibly because I have sent out so many letters and resume’s – I thought I was meeting with the head of engineering but when I pulled up the guy’s bio I discovered that he is a VP for this company – which, I did indeed send a package to but it was a fluke thing – like, “I will probably never hear from this person but what do I have to loose” type of thing.

I put my suit on and drove in the pouring rain to the appointment. I ran into the building and brushed rain off my shoulders. I had to go to the visitor relation’s counter where I was asked to show I.D. I was then given a badge with my name beside the name of the person I was there to see. Then, I was directed to a gate – similar to those at a train station and had to scan the bar code on my badge through in order to enter the lobby area of the building. Once the elevator opened on the 15^th floor the assistant that I had spoken to so many times on the phone was right there to greet me. I had the comical, fleeting thought of “Sheesh, no time to get away and possibly interrupt the world’s power or mess up anything in the building.” The last time I had seen security like this was at the EPD. I was asked to have a seat until the person I was meeting with was ready. I waited a very short time and was shown into his office. Initially, he did not look anything like the photo on his bio that I had printed out in my briefcase, although, the bio was five years old. For some reason I wasn’t nervous at all and our meeting went well. I was still a bit baffled that this busy man took time to meet with me. I was hoping to gain some insight but, it will remain a mystery. 

I just chock it up to being able to say a busy VP of a huge corporation took the time to meet with me because –

-I am just that good.

At least that’s what I’m going with.

goodbye

Today was another tough day. I am so over these. Joey and I were driving up to Lawrenceville early in the rain. We go into an argument about my attitude of late. About how shitty it is.

I agree. It is shitty.

I feel hopeless about my job prospects – despite the interview last Monday. Everyone who has said “Oh, hey – I will check on that for you” or “Send me your resume” or “I will ask around.” I haven’t really heard from except to say they’ve forwarded it to human resources. Ok, I could have done that myself. I am starting to become a skeptic when people say they can “help me.” I have emails every day saying “We have reviewed your qualifications and regret to say your qualifications don’t match the job.” Even from places I have people inside. A third of my home girlz are out of town and I am feeling blue. I feel that other than Joey, and them I have no support and that no one wants to help me. When I do ask anyone outside my family (Joey and home girlz) it’s as if I’m asking someone to sign over the deed to their house. Most times all I ask is for a contact. Someone who is the hiring manager in their company that I can call and speak to. Complete strangers have met with me so why is this so hard for people I know to do this for me? I’m not even asking them to secure an interview for me. A few weeks back I emailed and asked my friend John to ask around the county to see if he could find the name of the hiring manager for the job I was interviewing for. I never heard from him after two emails. This is a person I was instrumental in getting him a transfer into my division and a promotion when I was at the county. I couldn’t even get a reply to an email or a name for that matter. I called a former secretary and she gave me the name and the direct line. All I had to do was ask and she thought nothing of it.

Some friends when asked for help get upset that I am trying to compete with their business. Take something away from them. When Joey and I both hosted their baby shower. I had been friends with this person for over 10 years. Not anymore. I am not ready to forgive her let alone let her back into my life again. I would have strong words for her, in fact. 

Another friend who cried on my shoulder through every break up stopped returning my calls when Joey moved in with me. I knew it was because she thought I was crazy for taking in a woman I love and taking care of her. She could never see it as kindness and love but as my being crazy and she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. I run into mutual friends of ours and they always say, “She’s very busy – you should call her.” I do. She never calls me back and I got tired of talking to her voicemail. And, hey – maybe I was busy, too, but I still called.

And, I haven’t heard a word from this women and Ang except for the will incidence.

After our argument this morning I had to go see my career coach. We had bumped the appointment up. I was in no mindset to see her but I thought perhaps she could help me with my second interview – should I get it. It was a little like my being a child sitting in the chair while the parent asked me what I had done, what I was going to do and so forth. I thought, “I’m paying you a lot of money lady, you tell me.” It seemed like she berated me for not immediately sending out a thank you letter to my interviewers on Monday. Silly me thought I’d wait to get a second interview and if I didn’t hear then send the thank you. Now I not only have a bad attitude, I’m an idiot, too. I wanted to slap my head and say “Oh, silly me I forgot I even HAD the interview!” (Which, is all I’ve thought about since Monday.)  I ran home and wrote, printed and put into envelopes the letters with resume enclosure to both interviewees and hand delivered it to their office – which, is right up the street from the house. There.

Not to mention that we’re trying to get Joey on Remecade and find a co-pay program for her because we cannot afford the $1000/month for that. My girlfriend is in pain daily and walks with a cane. She doesn’t complain about it, except for my attitude – which, I’m trying to work on. I wrote my shrink hoping that she can see me for a reduced price. 

I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get across in this post – I know you’re thinking, saying those friends aren’t worth it – they were never your friends let it go. I know that but it doesn’t’ mean that it doesn’t hurt all the same. That no one has my back except for Joey and the home girlz and ironically enough, my sister. It’s not enough to stress, worry and be down about not working but I also have to learn these hard lessons about people who I thought were my friends. 

I recently asked to hear from some of you and I did hear from a few but I still feel that sometimes I am just writing into dead air and sound like the broken-est record that won’t quit playing. And, that’s ok because it is my blog and I can write what I want but I may just take it to a journal from here. Maybe this is the last post for awhile. At least until things turn around. So, goodbye for awhile, possibly for good.

All the best,  

Trin

apple pie and then some….

I had a job interview on Monday with a municipality that I used to work for three years ago before I went into the private sector. I thought the interview went well and they are going to do a second round. While I haven’t heard if I made the second round yet I feel confident that I did. It’s one of those things that I know is going to drive me crazy. But….

….it all comes down to I’m either going to get the job or I’m not. I’m either meant to do this or not.

In the meantime….you remember our friend, Ellen? She has gotten emails from the ex wanting to come by and pick the dog up and take him for three weeks at a time. The home girlz think this has nothing to do with the dog but that the ex wants to keep her hands in Ellen’s life despite dumping her for another woman or three. Ellen has been upset the past few days. The home girlz also think that if she lets her take the dog there may be a good reason she may not get the dog back. We’re trying to talk some sense into her but Ellen is obviously not over her or else she’d tell her no. to kiss her ass and to fuck off. It’s sort of like watching a train wreck and feeling like there’s nothing you can do. Psychologist’s have a tough job. It rained like a mo-fo yesterday and on top of the stuff that’s going on with Ellen her basement flooded. I went over there today and pumped it out for her hoping that would give her some comfort. Laura came home and between the two of us we hauled out all the recycling and old boxes that had been ruined to the curb.

The previous evening we had dinner at the house with the home girlz. Shelia brought lasagna, Laura and Ellen brought salad and bread and Joey baked a homemade apple pie with the apples her and Laura got at the apple festival in Ellijay, GA the previous day. It was probably one of the best meals I’ve ever had. The boy had a long weekend with us and managed to suck down some lasagna and pie before his father arrived to pick him up. Shelia made a comment earlier that night around the table about us all being family and we toasted that. It hit home. All of us are either estranged from our families or not close or some even are all deceased. Later as Shelia and I opened beers in the kitchen she commented on only needing a few good friends. I said, “You really find out who your friends are when you’re going through hard times.” She agreed.

The previous night I had a dream about Susan. She used to be one of my closest friends until it became impossible to schedule any time with her. We would make plans, she would wait until the night of and cancel. I would call her, leave messages and most times no call back. I get it. She was uncomfortable with my relationship status and the fact that I wasn’t available 24/7 as flexible with my schedule anymore. In my dream, she was angry with me for not paying my tab at this restaurant we were at the previous evening. In my dream I pulled out a receipt and showed her that I had and said I paid $32 dollars. She didn’t believe me and continued to yell until I left. I thought about that dream and her and the others I’d lost along the way. But, then I thought about the ones that I had forged  – the home girlz….and realized Shelia was right.

favorite things

Joey and I spent all day cleaning the back office. It had been months since we could even see the floor or walk normally without having to dive over a sea of clutter to get to the couch. I wanted to see the surface of my desk again and be able to sit down and, well, type a post like I’m doing now.

It felt good to tidy up and I think that I will start doing little jobs like this everyday as long as I’m unemployed so I can at least feel like I am doing something constructive. The vast amounts of resume’s, applications and phone calls I am sending out into the world is really not doing it for me. It feels like they are all going into a black hole. So I thought I would list some things that I like and that make me happy. Here goes:

• A clean office (you knew that was coming first)
• Nice writing pens
• Reading glasses
• Books that excite me the minute I pick them up
• Coffee and the sound of the coffee maker beeping that it’s finished brewing
• Hanging out in coffee houses that are quiet, have good seating and scones (Joey and I have become such snobs that we go to one place now for the scones and the other for the coffee and ambiance)
• Riding when I have no destination in mind
• Random good mail (of the non-bill sort)
• Sitting outside and having drinks with a friend
• Tacos
• Burritos (ah! Now I want to go get a burrito with Joey – I am off to ask her after I type this)
• Cuddling up to my girl
• The smell of my girl
• A hot shower and minty soap
• Putting on a shirt right out of the dryer when it’s cold outside
• Email
• My MacBook Pro
• ITunes
• My Ipod
• Old movies that I like to watch over and over again

Ok, enough about me. How about you? What makes you happy? And, like Maria, I want to know who’s out there, who’s reading. Send me a good vibe by letting me know you’re there.

the heap

Just a warning, this is a long post so grab a drink bourbon, vodka, beer, wine, whiskey, scotch, gin, grain mash of your choice and settle in.

The alarm went off at a very early hour today and I rolled over and slapped the snooze. It was way too early to consider rising. I admit my unemployed ass soul has been getting used to sleeping in past eight every morning. Joey stirred and asked what time it was. After a few attempts at snooze she got up. I was cold and she turned on the heating pad and put it next to me to keep me warm while she went to put on the coffee. I buried deeper into the comforter. If I ‘d known what was to become of this day I very well would have not gotten up. We were to go to the doctor why we were getting up so early.

Lately, Joey has been in a considerable amount of pain. Seems the third medication in the series of TNF blockers hasn’t done shit failed to do its job. We were back to square one again and the doctor had worked her into an early morning appointment. When the doctor does this we never know just how long we are going to be there. We brought egg McMuffin’s, coffee and our laptops prepared to camp out. The man in the chair next to Joey in the waiting room was snoring and talking in his sleep. I had no idea how long I was going to be able to manage listening to that and cursed myself for not bringing my ipod. Fortunately, his wife came out and woke him up and they left. As they closed the door to the office Joey and I said in unison “Thank.God!” A woman sitting across the office texting on her phone looked up and gave us a dirty look. I filled out a job application while in the waiting room and made a few calls before being called into the back room to speak to the doctor. Medication was changed, the latest TNF was paused while we try to get on a program for another one – the daddy expensive one of them all that insurance companies normally wouldn’t pay for Remicade.  

Leaving the office with scripts and samples in hand Joey wanted to go by her parents house to get some of her stuff. She didn’t want to go there if her sister is there. [If you are new to this blog you may want to review this post so you get the gist of how much of an abusive bitch she is the dynamics of the relationship.] I needed to go drop off the job application I filled out. I left her in the car to ponder that while I went inside to talk to the assistant manager. By the time I got back in the car she had decided she wanted to go despite her sister being there as it was going to be her only chance to get her stuff. 

Some back-story is that her parents are in the middle of a nasty divorce right now and their house is being foreclosed. Her father and sister still live in the house and have not moved any of their stuff out. I suspect that they will just foreclose with the stuff still there and the only way to get the sister out is for the sheriff to serve a bench warrant. There also is the small minor detail of Joey’s mom taking her sister to court for child support (very long story there). But, you get the gist of it – not a good scene to be walking in to. I griped that she had had all this time to go through her stuff and why now under these circumstances. I also griped that far be it from her mom or dad to actually do anything for her to possibly put the stuff aside or even take it to her mom’s apartment so she could go through it. But, alas no one in Joey’s family thinks of anything but themselves and their own fucked up world. Before we got there her dad called to assure that he had spoken to her sister and she agreed to be civil. We pulled up and walked up the steps and knocked on the door. Sister actually answered the door and let us in. I felt like we were walking into a minefield. There was stuff everywhere, nothing had been boxed up or cleaned. Her sister’s youngest child who she still has custody of ran out with a drawing to show us. He had grown since we last saw him. I felt sorry for him. Joey’s dad came out to the living room and led her back to the bedroom to show her where her stuff was. I followed and stood between her and him. I should have stayed there, actually. He asked her to promise that she wouldn’t start anything with her sister, either. I thought this was ludicrous. When the hell had Joey ever done anything to anyone in her family? If they would see beyond their noses they might notice that she can barely walk and get around let alone go up against her sister that’s as huge as an amazon. I was getting angry and wanted to leave. Her dad motioned me downstairs, through the garage and out the back door to show me this Queen of the Night he had growing in a pot. He wanted me to take it and put it in the house. I was shaking my head saying no I had cats, etc. and the whole time I was wanting to get back inside. I did not want to leave Joey’s side. I walked back inside and found her pulling boxes out of the closet. Her mom was standing there with a very angry look on her face. I asked her how her job at Wal-Mart was going and she said it sucked. I wanted to say that at least she had a job. I grabbed a couple of boxes and told Joey that I was going out to put them in the car. As I walked out of the house I heard her mom start to yell at her dad. I threw the boxes into the car thinking I had to get inside and get Joey out of there before all hell broke loose. I ran up the stairs and opened the door. They were arguing in front of the door. I edged in and around them as her mom hauled off and smacked her dad across the face. I heard her screaming, him and her sister yelling. I didn’t care if they killed each other but over my dead body where they going to touch my future wife. I ran into the bedroom and said, “Apparently, we were the only ones sworn to be civil. We have to go – now!”  Joey agreed as I picked up the last two boxes all at once and ran out with her behind me. Her mom stormed out the front door shouting over her shoulder that we had to move our car because she was leaving. [Really? Why not stay and have tea?] I said that we were right behind her and that we would move. As we got down to the car her mom started her van and started reviving it. Joey said, “Just throw it in and I will be in by the time you get around.” I jumped in, started the car and threw it into reverse and backed up only I stopped to see if anyone was coming before going out of the driveway. Joey said, “You’d better go because she’s still coming.” I looked forward and she was right – her mom was heading right for the car and I floored it out of the driveway narrowing missing from getting plowed into. I was like “What.The.Fuck. I cannot believe your mom almost hit us!” My pulse was racing, my adrenaline pumping and my back sore from picking up those two boxes. I was pissed and then sad. Pissed at their behavior, pissed that her mom almost hit us [I mean her daughter was in the car that she almost ran over for key-rist-sakes!] Sad that anyone would want to hurt my sweet little Joey physically and mentally. 

My breathing and pulse didn’t return to normal until we were almost to I-285. As we passed the sign that had name of my old boss I flipped it off. [The reason there is a sign with his name on it is because he built the interchange when he was a Nazi Gestapo DOT commissioner.] That felt good. I will take whatever I can get in that department these days. We rolled into our neighborhood and I dropped Joey off to shop while I went to the pharmacy to pick up the new meds. I called Laura and told her what happened. After hanging up, Doug the pharmacist asked how I was today and I just shrugged. He said I could do better than that and I shrugged again and handed him the list of drugs to fill. I was afraid if I opened my mouth I would start crying. When I picked Joey up she told me her niece had just called yelling at her because she didn’t stick up for her Mom. I asked her if she told her that her mom had tried to kill us with the van. She said she did and that the niece had hung up on her. I told her that I would have her number changed if anyone from her family decided to contact her in the next century. She said it was fine that she would answer when hell froze over. We then decided to go to the grocery store to get ice cream [for her] and beer [for me] and take it over to Laura’s to finish watching the rest of the Tudor’s. 

Later, at home Joey unloaded the car of her stuff. There were baby pictures of the boy, yearbooks and various mementos that she wanted. She showed me a picture of her in her first wedding dress and I said that it was worth it just to get that picture. I remembered being at her grandmother’s funeral and seeing a small version of that picture on a board and wanting to peel it off and put it in my pocket.

Thursday is supposed to be the only nice day this week and I think I’m getting out on the motorcycle for a day in the Georgia Mountains. I need a break. Anyway, that’s our day. Have another drink. I think I will, too.

the grind

Today was the fourth of the business meetings I had set and I was to have lunch with this guy that worked for an environmental remediation company. I was pretty sure going into it that he wasn’t hiring but these days I never want to turn down a point of contact. When I originally called to set the appointment three weeks ago he suggested lunch. At the time it seemed reasonable but today as I put my suit on it felt strange – like I was going on a blind date.

 

I pulled up to the building, put on my suit jacket, grabbed my briefcase and went inside. A man who took my name and went off to let the person I was meeting know that I was there. Looking around the office I knew that I was waaay over dressed. There were dilapidated chairs in this small room that I presumed was to be a waiting room. A few cardboard boxes sat in a corner and a huge fish tank was against the wall. I stared at the tank. My assumption was confirmed when the guy I was meeting walked out in jeans and a T-shirt with the company name on it. I thought “So much for a business meeting”. We shook hands and he asked me where I wanted to go for lunch as we walked outside. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying “McDonald’s drive-thru”. He rattled off some suggestions that included pizza, Chinese and a sub place. I said any were fine. I asked if he would like for me to follow him and he asked if I minded driving. I thought “Well, I was the one who set the meeting so I guess I shouldn’t mind driving.” We got into my car and he directed me to a Chinese restaurant up the street. The whole time I am thinking that this lunch cannot go fast enough.

 

We sat down and ordered. There was a man in the booth behind me that was laughing very loud. Conversation was stifled. I threw my whole presentation out of the window, took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves. I knew that this guy wasn’t going to offer me anything and even so I was getting the feeling that I didn’t want anything he had to offer anyway. I felt all last year working in a cold, dirty job trailer with a micromanaging boss wash over me and I had to pull myself back to reality as the woman sat down the food in front of us.

Not that he struck me as a micromanager – I had heard quite the opposite about him. It was the whole inspector, site work role. And, don’t get me wrong it’s not as if I want to rule out ever doing that again but not everyday. I want suits when I am giving a presentation or going to an important meeting. I want an office again – with heat and a restroom with a flushing toilet down the hall. I want talking to a coworker at the coffee maker. I want to hear a copier again. I want to turn on my computer and read my company email, respond and take phone calls. I want to feel like I have a purpose again. Like I am doing something. I was brought back and realized this guy was talking to me. It was blind date conversation. Where we’ve worked, where we’re from, where we went to college and so forth. I started to pretend that I had met him on the internet – only thinking he was a woman and showed up at the date only to realize that he was a man.

 

The check came and I picked it up hoping to end the lunch. As I opened my wallet I thought “And, I’m going to pick up lunch, too.” Just then he took it out of my hand and said, “Hey, you’re unemployed – I got this. I know what it’s like. Let me get this.” Then, I changed my thinking. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought after all. Here was someone offering to buy me lunch and take the time to meet with a complete stranger. Here is yet another contact who could turn out to be invaluable in the future.

 

I drove home and shucked the suit and cut the grass. As I mowed I thought I needed to go inside, make more phone calls, try to set more appointments. Then, I thought that I have been going, going, going for more than a week and that I needed a rest, a break  – even if it was just for the remainder of the day. I realize that I have the hardest time with that. I still feel exhausted from teaching and meeting with people for the last week and a half. It’s been a constant “be a personable person” and it drains me after awhile and I need a break.

I have to know when to take breaks I feel like I’m not doing anything when I do, that I have to keep grinding away at it.

 

Maybe the breaks are the most invaluable of all.

monday chex mix

I feel like it’s been years since I last updated. Things have picked up lately. I taught a class Tues – Thurs last week and Friday I had appointments with two job interests and rolled right into a weekend class that evening. First thing this morning I had another job prospect meeting and lunch with another tomorrow. I welcome being busy as well as hate being tired. It’s a double-edged sword. Joey’s desiring that I catch up on my sleep so we can have more sex spend more quality time together.

Out of everyone I’ve met with the appointment this morning impressed me the most. This was a contact that I had gotten through a friend of mine who works for the company. The man I met is the director of engineering and in charge of all the ongoing projects. This company is not affected by the economy, is quite wealthy, in fact, and has hundreds of already funded projects. I arrived at what I thought was early but when I walked down the hall and saw who I presumed I was meeting with sitting at his desk with drawings taped all over the walls his clock said I was ten minutes late. He looked up and said, “You’re early.” I said, “So I thought but your clock says I’m ten minutes late.” He smiled and said, “No, my clock is fast.” I replied “Better fast than slow” and he agreed. We were off to a good start. Introductions made I thanked him for his time as I took a seat. I kept my presentation short but sweet because he struck me as a man that hits the ground running every day of his life and I could get with that. Our exchange felt comfortable and as I spoke about my experience I could see him flipping through my cover letter and resume. I noticed that there were things highlighted on the sheets. I tried to make out what items were highlighted as well as maintaining eye contact. Not an easy feat. He didn’t have any openings at the moment he said but that he may have something coming up soon and that he liked to be prepared. He mentioned that I had quite a few qualifications he was interested in and to stay in touch with him. For once it was nice to speak to someone who actually has on going work instead of the opposite. I’ve heard too much of the opposite lately. Something new and fresh is what I needed to hear and as I left I was glad that I contacted him and made the hike out there at such an early hour of a Monday morning. 

As you know it’s been raining in biblical proportions in Georgia lately. To say that we’re sick of the rain is an understatement. We managed to have a good week last week but by Saturday there was another prediction of rain and flooding. Fortunately, I had driven to my class and left the bike at home because by the time I let class out it was raining so hard not even the wipers on full blast could keep up. Joey’s been having a hard time pain-wise lately. Today she is walking with a cane that I haven’t seen in months. We’ve had a tough couple of weeks because a multiple of things. You can probably put two and two together and guess it’s from my unemployment pressure status, her pain levels, the mf rain environment, etc. and you will be correct. But, we’re coming around again to the loving part, the part where we realize why we love each other so much. The good things. The sun is poking out from the clouds, we’re sitting in one of our favorite café’s having coffee and blogging. Sharing in the things that we have in common that we love. Being together. 

Tonight the home girlz are meeting at Laura’s to eat chili. Yes, the temp no more drops for a day and everyone is dragging out the polar fleece and making chili – which, reminds me to ask Joey if I can have those little elbow macaronis in it like my Mom used to make. We’re going over early to make it and watch season four première of Dexter (if we can figure out Laura’s recorder) as both Laura and Ellen aren’t yet caught up.   

So, that’s all I’ve got right now. I just wanted to give you a quick update. I hope you all have a great week!